Misty Images.

I can feel the morning sun creep up my face. I'm at war with myself. Body yearning to wake, and mind struggling to sleep. I want to sleep. I want no responsibility. I wan to escape.

Soon the urge to micturate wins the battle. Body, 1.

Draw the curtains close, climb back into bed. Covers are pulled over my head. Creativity to dream has left. No complaints. If I sleep, nothing happens. Do not pass Go and collect 200 dollars, but do not go to Jail. No complaints. 

Nothingness. Pain, sadness, anger, bitterness, hurt, betrayed, loved, wanted, needed, desired, seductive, sensual, lasciviousness. Everything is gone in sleep. The will to not feel erased the dreams. It's the only place to escape from it all.  

Finally, sleep. Mind, 1.

The sound of white drips into my ears. Your face is in my vision. Your warm whispers carrying me out of the dark. I'm mad that you found me here. I'm mad at myself for letting you in. Like warm honey and milk, you surround me. Seeping through the cracks of the walls I'm putting up. Things begin to get real for me down here.

Fuck. Shit. Damn. Hell. I woke up. Body 2. Mind 1.

I've got to make room for this feeling. Do we just wait it out? All that's been, we're back to the board. Erasing the memory of pretending I'm the one you want to grow old with. Now what do I try and fill the wretched hollow with? Air compressed tight to explode in my chest. No breath.

Bitch. Ass. Cunt. Whore. Yelling the truth of what one is, hysteria has broken out.

Mind 2. Body 2.

*This entry is going to be a work in progress. Missy Higgins and Imogen Heap, thanks for the inspiration.

Shapes and Colors

I was once asked what do I like, in reply I answered shapes and colors. I meant it as a joke. But later in private, I gave it more thought and realized I really do. The way colors and shapes can be translated in all things. Colors are more then just something visibly pleasing to the eye. Many believe that colors play an important role in our moods and emotions.

RED represents passion, heat and anger. YELLOW is associated with joy, intellect and cheapness. BLUE stands for relaxation, wisdom, and tiredness. 

Shapes inspire people every day. Architecture can be found in anything. Always evolving and changing. Earth and Man seem to pull off of one another for inspiration.  Circles symbolize everlasting life. Squares are our bodies. From a young age we are taught what shapes are. Triangles with 3 points. Oval, being "egg-shaped". Bow-tie, always my favorite.

Simple shapes and basic colors that are the stepping stones for the world of imagination. The foundation for human intelligence. And I find them both fascinating.

During my high school choir's visit to Standford University, we were told to paint a picture with our song. To create a vision out of dynamics and harmony. The instructor said that each color had it's own feeling.

We closed our eyes, and each pictured in our own minds an ocean sunset. Using wild and passionate reds that mixed the joyful yellows to create an orange that was warm, friendly and familiar. These rays brushed against the blue waves of the ocean. Waves curving to the effect that they were engulfing a bit of the sunlight to warm it self. In my eyes the sun and the ocean seemed to be right next to each other. Lost lovers in first embrace after many lonesome years.

We sang our song and I painted my ocean sunset. It was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. I was transported from that classroom to Pier, watching the dazzling sunset that I had created out of music, shapes and colors. 

Without a knowledge of shapes and color, we are lost. Life would be mundane and pale. Nothing would spark our minds. High intelligence can not be achieved without first having inspiration.

Assignment #13

Assignment #13

To give a break after the much dreaded midterm, this assignment will hopefully be a fun treat. Please write a short paper expressing the things about yourself you like. Include the things that have helped shaped you into the person you want/have become.

What the hell does this have to do with ADA? NOTHING!

That was my original thought after reading the assignment. Then my second thought; Damn, this will be easy. Boy, was I wrong. Currently, I don't know what I like about myself. I worked so hard to say that I do like "me". And here I am, back at square one. Completely stupid in the game of life.

I am not happy that I am not happy in life.

I am not proud that I have secrets.

I am not looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning.

I am not prepared for the other midterm I have.

I am not satisfied with my body.

I am not ready to be a grown up.

I am not excited to work out in the morning.

I am not wanting to postpone my haircut any longer.

I am not smiling.

I am not joyful.

I am not.

This assignment was suppose to be about what I liked about myself. As of right now, I don't know what that is.

Dislike.

Hate

–verb (used with object)

1.

to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion foror extreme hostility toward; detest:

to hate the enemy; tohate bigotry.

2.

to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.

–verb (used without object)

3.

to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.

–noun

4.

intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.

5.

the object of extreme aversion or hostility.

This may sound ironic, but I dislike the word "Hate" and it's meaning. It wasn't until recently that I have really felt the true meaning of this word. I've been know for saying "I hate that" or turning my nose up at something. I don't believe I never knew the true power behind the word hate.

I have been taught to forgive and forget. Not to dwell on the past. Always try to find the good in everyone.

But have you ever encountered a situation where you should forgive and forget, but you can't? You want to say it's over. That you're the bigger person. Yet when this matter is brought to attention, every bone in your body aches to scream? Or when talking about it, a wicked flavor crosses over your tongue, leaving you with a horrible feeling? Does it cause you to feel no remorse or sympathy? In the end it cause to feel true hatred.

I want to get past this. I want it to go away. I want a new beginning.

The Raven.

A Raven flies pass the moon. Wearing it's black coat, it glads across the fields of dreams. Searching for the thing it craves. Hunting for the answer to its stomach's prayers. The Raven's eyes sweeping across the land hoping for just a small glance. A hint as to where it may be hiding.

Winter comes quickly. The Raven knows the end has finally approached. Death has rung, and it is her time to answer.

But as the sun awakens the new day, her heart quickens. She flees from Death. Hiding in the darkest parts. She must find it. Her wings are stretched and tired, but never stops. With hope in far sight, she fights on.

She slips through the clutches of Death. And soon Death seems to forget about her. He passes her without looking back. Letting her embrace the shadows.

Always moving, never sleeping. She continues to fly in the dark. Once looking for the meaning. But with each night, she is sunk deeper within the Shadowland, forgetting herself. Forgetting the purpose for the fight.

She is leaving one world and unknowingly entering another. She is lost. Soon becoming one with the dark. Becoming one with the Shadows, until the Raven is a shadow. Lost forever in the dark.